Two years ago, Armie Hammer’s life was thrown into upheaval when allegations of cannibalistic fantasies and sexual assault brought his career to a screeching halt. Now, for the first time, Hammer has broken his silence. In an exclusive interview with Air Mail, the actor opened up about his mistakes, his journey to sobriety, and his hope for redemption.

For the first time, Armie Hammer revealed that he was molested at the age of 13 by a youth pastor at his church. He candidly discussed how the incident “introduced sexuality into [his] life in a way that it was completely out of [his] control” and how it led him to seek control in his relationships.

He also addressed the sexual assault and rape accusations against him, including those made by “Effie,” who accused him of “violently” raping and assaulting her in April 2017. Hammer denied the accusations, saying that the alleged incident was a pre-planned “consensual non-consent scene” that was discussed in detail beforehand. He admitted to being emotionally abusive to other accusers, but denied sexually assaulting them.

Hammer also discussed his journey to sobriety and his experience with suicidal thoughts while in the Cayman Islands. He revealed that Robert Downey Jr., himself a former addict, has been supportive in his recovery. Hammer concluded the interview by expressing his gratitude for his life and his recovery, and his hope for redemption.